Friday, March 2, 2012

The Circular I

I have been out of the blog-loop for a while now it feels... last post was Feb 12 and honestly, I think I needed a little vacation away from the blog world.  I have been keeping up on my reading, but have not been feeling super inspired to post or write anything.  I have worn some great outfits, taken some great trips, eaten and cooked some amazing things that I would love to share... but I don't know if I should, or if it matters, or whatever.

Is this post getting a bit emo?  Perhaps.  A little down-n-out blogging going on here.  I just feel like there has been so many other things that have been more important... best friends and family's birthdays, photoshoots that are not involving me, relaxing and enjoying time with my family, exercising instead of sitting at the computer (which I do plenty of because of school).  I want to take more photos of others.  I want to work on more styling.  I have been enjoying my fashion magazines and getting inspired.  But my inspiration is going in a direction that I did not necessarily think it would go...

It is funny to me in the blogosphere how dressing simple can be either noted as completely boring or unoriginal or be highly praised and repeated over and over.  I feel like blogging is becoming a popularity contest in a lot of ways.  There are so many awesome bloggers out there that get little to no recognition and then there are the bloggers (including ones that I read frequently) that have thousands of followers, look like models and wear thousands of dollars worth of clothes and then get free stuff on top of it!  Maybe I am jealous because I don't get packages of free shit for just being able to dress awesome and post good looking photos. 

I know there is a lot more to blogging than that, but really, blogging is simply posting an online journal.  Anyone and everyone can do it if they take the time.  I don't know what the real purpose or aim is in doing something so publicly narcissistic.  I love clothes.  I have always loved clothes and always will.  I can talk about clothes, or in blogging, write and read about clothes and fashion all day.  Is it getting me anywhere or bringing me any joy or purpose in life? Or am I just confusing myself and wracking up an overly-stuffed closet?  Am I wearing things that are not me, just to (try to) fit into the blogging world?  Do I do this to make myself feel better about myself; heighten the low self-esteem I had when I was younger?   I don't know.  I really don't.

On the really long drive to and from San Diego, the trip there, hanging out at the beach, people-watching, I did a lot of thinking... a LOT.  And maybe with the springtime feeling, some things need to change?  The husband said he wants to simplify things in his life.  He has been kind of depressed about things in his life that he needs to change for HIMSELF, and simplifying is the easiest way to do that.  I think I am going to follow...

I feel like subconsciously I have already been doing that.  I have cleaned and organized my wardrobe.  I have cleaned up around my home.  I have been dressing a lot simpler.  I have not been drinking very much.  I am doing better with exercising.  Although, I do feel exhausted almost every day, I am trying to break through the fog and have more energy.  I am not doing as well as I hoped with the no-shopping deal I tried to make with myself... but I am trying, if that counts for anything!

This post has a LOT of "I's"...  getting kinda sick of it already. 


It's happening right now.

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