Saturday, May 11, 2013

On being a MOM

Upon doing some thoughts about being a mom, I thought I would put it out in writing... in a weird self Q&A format at that!

My favorite thing about being a mom?

Being a mom means that you will never feel lonely ever again.  You will feel a LOT of things, but lonely is never one of them.  You have an automatic, perfect little best friend whenever you need them and they feel the same about you! It's the most satisfying feeling in the world that no one ever told me to expect!

The hardest thing about being a mom?

Being consistent all the time... but I think that goes along with trying to be perfect.  There needs to be stretchiness and rubberyness in being a mom.  Sometimes you have to let things slide, and you have to hope that it won't bite you in the butt later.

The thing you feel most guilty about?

I feel guilty that I let so many things distract me.  Anything from housework, which needs to get done, to things that entertain me and only me, like facebook, blogging, magazines, etc.  Will I miss out on things?  If I were to add up every minute I spend doing those things rather than giving attention to her, would I miss out on significant time with her?  I am so lucky and blessed to be a stay at home mom and spend every moment I can with my child, but at the same time, I rarely get to miss her, and that can be hard too, and I feel guilty for putting this out there, but it's the truth.  We spend so much time together, sometimes we just wind up fighting and bickering.  That's what I feel guilty about.

What am I doing different than what my mom did with me?

Everyone goes through the "when I'm a parent I'm gonna do things differently..."  Well, honestly, I had an amazing mom and I really try to be a lot like her and I think I also AM a lot like her.  She expected a lot from me, so I expect a lot from my daughter, and it seems to be yielding good results.  I think the big difference is that I am a lot goofier than my mom.  I bring the silliness and drama and I try not to sweat the small stuff.  I let things slide a little more maybe?  I don't know. It's hard to tell... maybe when she gets a little older I will be able to tell the difference between my mom and my own parenting philosophies.

What are my motherly hopes for the future?

I hope that no matter what I do, or what Aveline does, I hope she tries and tries really hard at everything she does.  I think it will create better opportunity for her, and I will hopefully be able to guide her opportunities in her favor.  I think I was good at many things, but I didn't try hard enough and I didn't seize opportunities the way I probably could or should have.  I hope she has self confidence and smarts and loves to read.  I hope she has talents that will thrive with encouragement from my mothering.  I hope I can relax and stop yelling all the time, because it's just bad... I don't want to be the mean mom that yells all the time.  Those are my vague but strong hopes.

All in all... I love my daughter, with all my heart and soul and I fear for her and because she depends on me in this terrible world I have the wonderful burden of caring and loving and protecting her.  I hope that she knows I try, really hard.  And I hope she knows that I will always try to do better.  

I LOVE YOU AVELINE! Thank you for making me a mom!

Vanessa aka Momma Mommy Mom  

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